Pain and Promises
Do you ever find yourself in a spot where nothings going right for you. Maybe your best friend bailed on you with plans you guys had, your sister ditched you for her friends, the guy (or girl) you "like" starts dating a girl (or guy) you absolutely can't stand, regardless of what it was, you've been through a lot of pain.
We've probably all been some sort of position where someone or something has inflicted mental, spiritual, emotional, or mental pain upon us, it's inevitable, we live in a sin-filled world and feeling pain is something that comes along with it. To put in simpler terms; Its Life. I know you may ask "What does a Fifteen year old girl know about pain?" Well, to simply answer your question, A Lot.
I've been put down for my age, saying that I don't understand the feeling or meaning of true pain, because I'm too young to have experienced it. I personally don't think that's true at all. Pain caused me to have to grow up faster than I should have, it caused me to miss out on important parts of my childhood, but most importantly, that pain caused me to become closer to God.
Pain
: the physical feeling caused by disease, injury, or something that hurts the body
Pain is not something defined by age, it is defined by experience.
I used to think that what other people said was the all in all, I hung onto every word they said and believed that they knew it all. One day someone told me that I couldn't keep beating myself up for things that other people said about me, I couldn't keep believing the lies that the enemy kept telling me and that I needed to be confident in myself and god.
Part of me wanted to accept that but the other part of me thought I would never be good enough, I wanted to be the person that everyone loved, I wanted their attention and approval and I would do anything to get it. I never realized that I was the one holding myself in that pain, from seeking their approval I put myself in a very vulnerable position and inflicted pain on myself, without even realizing what I was doing to myself. I had also just recently lost a loved one adding to that pain I had been feeling. I started shutting people out and felt I could solve my own problems by myself. I didn't know how else to solve my problems, I had been told from a young age that getting help, whether it be talking to someone I trusted about being bullied or if I had a problem with a sibling, that it showed weakness or it was the mean thing to do. I stopped talking to people about it because I didn't know how to express my feelings verbally, I held all those feelings inside until I bursted and hurt the people I cared about. It was a vicious cycle I didn't know how to break.
I wasn't the same little girl I used to be, I was changing, but not for the better. I got to a point where the pain and suffering was staring to become and define me. My own mother was staring to look at me and see a girl that had taken over her daughter till she wasn't there anymore. I didn't have the joy there anymore and it killed me everyday knowing I had let this "Monster" also known as Pain, take over my life. I was letting the Devil win this battle and it was pulling me farther away from god than I wanted to be.
I remembered Someone important in my life telling my mom that God had told her that he had great plans for my life. I was 12 years old when I heard and I thought, "Why would god want to use me, when he had so many other people that would have been better?" Later on in life I remember saying "Yeah, because every horrible thing you put me through, is really "great plans" god." I became resentful towards god, I was confused, hurting, broken, resentful, feeling like an outcast, feeling separated from god, and feeling Lost. Nothing made sense anymore.
I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore. Nothing really mattered and life became a blur. So I decided to audition for moods, a concert put on by students at my school. I thought "what have I got to lose?" So I auditioned and to my surprise, I made it in. I then met These Two amazing people and they accepted me as I was, I didn't need to put on a fake smile and show them that fake joy, I felt my stone heart slowly starting to chip away at itself. I had finally found 2 people that wanted to be my friend, accepted all my flaws and quirks and mad me feel loved. I felt something different about these two, I felt god's love shining through them and I realized god had answered my prayers and given me two great christian friends at school and he opened my eyes to few other great christian friends I had . The resentfulness I felt towards god was taken away and replaced with gratitude and love for him.
I remember someone telling me I couldn't let what other said define me, because it wasn't true, so many times I had heard it and it went in one ear and out the other, I would politely nod my head and do nothing to change it, but that time I took it to heart and did something about it. Then One day at the beginning of the summer I had a conversation with my uncle and one of the things that he said the stood out to me was, "The greater the pain, the greater the promises god has in store for you." That was the second time someone had said that god had something Great planned for my life and that was when it really penetrated my soul and had me thinking, maybe he did have something great in store.
I still deal with things today, I'm still learning, but god never said things would just leave with the snap of a finger, these things take time and we need to have patience with them. By the Grace of God, I'm still here, I'm on an amazing yet tough journey, that I'm glad to be on and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.
Don't be so quick to get mad, promises are broken and people experience pain, regardless of age, but the one person who doesn't inflict pain on us and keeps all the his promises is god, you can always count on him. Here's an Idea, if you don't like it when people break promises, be the one person who does their best to keep their promises, break the cycle and love on people, it's the best thing you can do for someone experiencing pain. Remember; The Greater the Pain, the Greater the Promises God has in store.
We've probably all been some sort of position where someone or something has inflicted mental, spiritual, emotional, or mental pain upon us, it's inevitable, we live in a sin-filled world and feeling pain is something that comes along with it. To put in simpler terms; Its Life. I know you may ask "What does a Fifteen year old girl know about pain?" Well, to simply answer your question, A Lot.
I've been put down for my age, saying that I don't understand the feeling or meaning of true pain, because I'm too young to have experienced it. I personally don't think that's true at all. Pain caused me to have to grow up faster than I should have, it caused me to miss out on important parts of my childhood, but most importantly, that pain caused me to become closer to God.
Pain
: the physical feeling caused by disease, injury, or something that hurts the body
: mental or emotional suffering : sadness caused by some emotional or mental problem
: someone or something that causes trouble or makes you feel annoyed or angryPain is not something defined by age, it is defined by experience.
I used to think that what other people said was the all in all, I hung onto every word they said and believed that they knew it all. One day someone told me that I couldn't keep beating myself up for things that other people said about me, I couldn't keep believing the lies that the enemy kept telling me and that I needed to be confident in myself and god.
Part of me wanted to accept that but the other part of me thought I would never be good enough, I wanted to be the person that everyone loved, I wanted their attention and approval and I would do anything to get it. I never realized that I was the one holding myself in that pain, from seeking their approval I put myself in a very vulnerable position and inflicted pain on myself, without even realizing what I was doing to myself. I had also just recently lost a loved one adding to that pain I had been feeling. I started shutting people out and felt I could solve my own problems by myself. I didn't know how else to solve my problems, I had been told from a young age that getting help, whether it be talking to someone I trusted about being bullied or if I had a problem with a sibling, that it showed weakness or it was the mean thing to do. I stopped talking to people about it because I didn't know how to express my feelings verbally, I held all those feelings inside until I bursted and hurt the people I cared about. It was a vicious cycle I didn't know how to break.
I wasn't the same little girl I used to be, I was changing, but not for the better. I got to a point where the pain and suffering was staring to become and define me. My own mother was staring to look at me and see a girl that had taken over her daughter till she wasn't there anymore. I didn't have the joy there anymore and it killed me everyday knowing I had let this "Monster" also known as Pain, take over my life. I was letting the Devil win this battle and it was pulling me farther away from god than I wanted to be.
I remembered Someone important in my life telling my mom that God had told her that he had great plans for my life. I was 12 years old when I heard and I thought, "Why would god want to use me, when he had so many other people that would have been better?" Later on in life I remember saying "Yeah, because every horrible thing you put me through, is really "great plans" god." I became resentful towards god, I was confused, hurting, broken, resentful, feeling like an outcast, feeling separated from god, and feeling Lost. Nothing made sense anymore.
I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore. Nothing really mattered and life became a blur. So I decided to audition for moods, a concert put on by students at my school. I thought "what have I got to lose?" So I auditioned and to my surprise, I made it in. I then met These Two amazing people and they accepted me as I was, I didn't need to put on a fake smile and show them that fake joy, I felt my stone heart slowly starting to chip away at itself. I had finally found 2 people that wanted to be my friend, accepted all my flaws and quirks and mad me feel loved. I felt something different about these two, I felt god's love shining through them and I realized god had answered my prayers and given me two great christian friends at school and he opened my eyes to few other great christian friends I had . The resentfulness I felt towards god was taken away and replaced with gratitude and love for him.
I remember someone telling me I couldn't let what other said define me, because it wasn't true, so many times I had heard it and it went in one ear and out the other, I would politely nod my head and do nothing to change it, but that time I took it to heart and did something about it. Then One day at the beginning of the summer I had a conversation with my uncle and one of the things that he said the stood out to me was, "The greater the pain, the greater the promises god has in store for you." That was the second time someone had said that god had something Great planned for my life and that was when it really penetrated my soul and had me thinking, maybe he did have something great in store.
I still deal with things today, I'm still learning, but god never said things would just leave with the snap of a finger, these things take time and we need to have patience with them. By the Grace of God, I'm still here, I'm on an amazing yet tough journey, that I'm glad to be on and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.
Don't be so quick to get mad, promises are broken and people experience pain, regardless of age, but the one person who doesn't inflict pain on us and keeps all the his promises is god, you can always count on him. Here's an Idea, if you don't like it when people break promises, be the one person who does their best to keep their promises, break the cycle and love on people, it's the best thing you can do for someone experiencing pain. Remember; The Greater the Pain, the Greater the Promises God has in store.
this was really good!
ReplyDeleteThanks! :)
ReplyDelete